NEPHI: Of goodly parents I was born
I've never drunk, I've never sworn
This is Lehi, he's my dad
Laman, Lemuel, they are bad
And who is this? Why this is Sam
Yes, this is Sam;
SAM: Sam I am
LAMAN: That Sam I am, that Sam I am
I do not like that Sam I am
SAM: In a tent, my father dwelt
LAMAN: And it's so hot, I think I'll melt
Our father's brain is out of whack
And it's too hot, I'm going back
LEHI: Then go and get the plates my dear
LAMAN: On second thought, I'm staying here
NEPHI: You said you'd leave and go away
Now all you want to do is stay?
LAMAN: That Nephi always gets his way
Here we are in this dark cave
SAM: We would not be here if you'd behave
NEPHI: I will go and I will do
There's the angel, that's my cue
Laban's had too much to drink
Now he'll lose his head, I think
Look what I found, a brother from the quorum
SAM: We will take him home, we will call him Zoram
LAMAN: Oh great, another pathetic life form
Our gold and silver we have spent
I do not like it in this tent
I cannot read the Liahona
I must have drunk too much Corona
We hate it here, we have no lives
LEHI: Then go back to the city and get some wives...
A tree, a tree, I see a tree
The fruit is white, the fruit is free
A floating building, could it be?
Why do they laugh and stare at me?
Laman, Lemuel, come and see
LAMAN: We will not eat your precious fruit
We will not wear a tie and suit
We will not help you build your boat
We do not think that it will float
No not this boat, it will not float
Not even in a shallow moat
We will not eat your fruit I say
We will not eat it on a tray
And we won't eat it in a tent
Not even if your clothes you rent
We'd rather have a can of spam
We will not eat it, Sam I am
SAM: You do not like it, so you say
Try it, tryi it, and you may
Try it and you may I say
LAMAN: Sam, if you will let us be,
We will try it, you will see
Say, we like this fruit of life
Sorry that we caused such strife
Thank you, thank you, Sam I am
You've saved us from an awful jam.
NEPHI: Upon these plates which we write
You'll find the truth, you'll find the light.
Read them, ponder them, search them true
And they will help you not feel blue!